The Catheters - Static Delusions and Stone-Still Days

If you are the type of autocratic music fanatic that I am, you know that there are a handful of albums that simply must be pushed to eleven on the standardized volume parameter. These records scream and squawk to be dispensed at volumes that raise the temperature, annoy the neighbors and peel the paint off your wall – yes, the very elements that make rock music actually rock. Now that you are in the headache-hinting, pressure-pumping frame of mind, let me properly introduce the Catheters – Subpop’s long awaited answer to the fallout of early ‘90s noise from Mudhoney and Nirvana. Similarly, there is an exclusive anthology of albums that reek with good-natured-fun; the kind of record that resisting its screech of energy and influx of party predilections whenever and wherever it slithers past your ears is futile. Dangerously enough, the Catheters implode, explode, claw, squeal, fight, punch, kick and scream in proving that they are in fact the leading protagonist for both denominations of fun and amplification. And if you shivered at the very context of their moniker, chances are that you just pained an apt reaction to the dangerous rock clamor that the Catheters boldly sketch into their sophomore bombshell, Static Delusions and Stone-Still Days. But don’t worry – this catheter may go down hard, loud and violent; but it sounds like heavenly bliss. As for their exact sound, think MC5’s vintage, dirty and untreated garage physique. Think Unwound’s wide-eyed craze for mayhem. Think Mudhoney’s disorderly disposition. Think the Hives with balls the size of Jupiter. Or just imagine a car crash of electric guitars, snare bantering that rivals the clank of a sledgehammer and swirling shout-along choruses that make every former rocker jump out of that smug, docile and totally submissive sweater for the torn jeans and washed up Stooges t-shirt. The Catheters stab the corpse of all the noisemakers in the past three decades with a knife so serrated and so obliquely jagged that cuts will harm your ears forever and never ever let you perceive sound the same again. When hopefuls such as the Hives and the White Stripes are busy with murderously prolific record label pacts, MTV scarred events and enough media hype to fuel a rocket to the out portions of the universe; the Catheters were too busy making real garage rock to care. In a just world, the Catheters would be on the cover of Rolling Stone, “Been There Before” would be tearing out car stereo systems everywhere and this rambunctious Seattle quartet would be standing on a secular pedestal above 99.7% of rock’s most virtuous. Sadly, however, don’t expect this revolution to subvert the masses anytime soon. And even if it did, it’s not as if anyone anywhere would be ready for it; but I’m willing to do my part and so should you. If the proper respects are paid, Static Delusions and Stone-Still Days should be the Fun House for our generation. This release is for everyone. This is for those vinyl elitists who believe CDs are a prosaic and sterile medium scrubbed with too much hospital-clean production, it’s for those who ever picked up a guitar and cranked out their own noise in a local garage and it’s for everyone who wondered where rock went after MTV’s reign of terror and radio’s immoral archetypes. And if you still don’t slide into one of those denominations – yes, it’s for you too; no one should let Static Delusions and Stone-Still Days glide by unnoticed. This is a band that uses music’s primordial sticks and stones to break your bones rather than mixing boards and ProTools. And that’s the kind of pain that I’m dying to hear. [www.thecatheters.com]