Bottom Line - Eloquence

Nick Hornby, author of High Fidelity and, most recently, A Long Way Down, writes music reviews, and one of the first things in his review process is to study the cover bits of a CD. Bottom Line’s Eloquence has pretty cool pop art cover art, and the band photograph showcases the cuteness, or at least affability, of the band. But as I listened to Eloquence, I noticed that the website for the band has the word “punk” after their name. PLEASE stop doing that, emo-core rockers. You. Are. Not. Punk. If you met Sid Vicious or Wendy O. Williams in a dark alleyway, you would leave physically battered and more emotionally wounded than you thought you could ever be. But perhaps a good song, about something other than your pain, your need for self-worth, or your girlfriend could come of it. Bottom Line sound just like the bands they thank in the liner notes, like Yellowcard and Story of the Year. If I really need to remind you: Lyrics with triple-syllable words interspersed (“Tasteful menagerie?!?” Dude, just stop) layered over almost every second of music. Thrashy drums and “chug-chug-chug” guitars that crescendo into melody during the bridge, soft/loud whine-bellowed singing. Add angst, stir. Oh, and don’t forget the quickly spoke-sung background poem (“I often wonder, what it would be like to drown/ Asphyxiated in a flood/ Opine without a sound” from “Blind”). And the horns on “False Alarm” would have been nice…if they were in a different song…on another album…by a better band. So, to be frank: Unremarkable, formulaic band and sound, affected lyrics lacking wisdom, the punk posturing of Avril Lavigne, an overdose of angst, lacking in originality. I don’t like this new wave of music, these Yellowcards, these Dashboard Confessionals. If you do, you’ll love Bottom Line. You can have my copy. I’ll pay for the postage. [www.bottomlinepunk.com]